April 30, 2011

Budapest Critical Mass, TODAY!

An amazing town!

Come enjoy the ride then stay for any of a half dozen of awesome parties

  • Saturday, April 30th.
  • Almássy Hall
  • Budapest, District VII., Almássy tér 6.
  • 22:00
  • donations and smiles accepted!

April 29, 2011

a gnarly message in a bottle

Thanks Vienna, (or as they say, Wien) for the great show. An actual theater and everything!

Plus we got to see some pretty sweet skateboard art curated by our friends at Inoperable:

Im imagining the Pavement Princesses stranded on an island when this bottle washes ashore. Potential new script, perhaps?

Today we travel to Hungary, tomorrow we ride in one of (if not THE) worlds largest critical masses and play the fine, sexy, inspiring bike movies to the masses afterward!

April 26, 2011

And.... we're off!!

Behold the latest in Bike Smut European map technology!

Assuming that we are able to survive and complete the most exciting day of mind blowing bureaucratic numbness ever we will be leaving for Vienna, Austria in just a few hours!

Having already gone to the insurance and registration places to get the proper stamps on our asses we are now prepared for our full on "In the Bureaucratic-Black Tuesday" which involves us:
  • getting our brand new Euro-friendly stickers, and our even more euro "friendly" condoms out of a customs holding cell
  • making sure our used van pass its absurdly anal (even by porn standards) inspection
  • receiving our "green card" proof of insurance in the mail
  • taking those papers down to get our license plates at the euro equivalent of the DMV
  • printing out copies of our new Bike Smut Euro Tour Zine, now available in German, Italian, French and Spanish
Then we get the fuck outta town!

If we had any less stellar a team of bikesexuals there might be cause for alarm. But we have assembled quite the crew. You can read about us on the BikeSmut.com's slick new dossier page

Berlin Field Report

Check out the sweet hair at the end! If others have suggestions for how we should shave up this guy please leave them in the comments.

April 25, 2011

Niche Piece of Work

Please enjoy some casual reading on the status of internet pornography, thru the power of quantifiable measures and statistics, SEXY!

Something that we thought of immediately that the author didn't pick up on (or perhaps chose to not explicitly state) was the importance of niche porn. Who among us would proudly state that we really enjoy "mainstream porn"?

Can you imagine how that pillow talk would go?
"Hey, that sex was really good and I'm feeling ready for another round. You know what gets me really hot? Watching some missionary"
This probably comes from a truism of porn and fetishes, which goes something like, 'if it gets the players playing..." The idea being that people who make niche, fetish porn are often more likely into it themselves, or at least the people involved in its production are more likely to be excited about it, and that excitement will translate directly from the lens to the screen to your pants. (Either that or the money is better.)

This is as much a statement about pornography, as it is about filmmaking in general. Both have fallen on hard times since their artistic zenith of the 70s. Yet, because of the lowest-common-denominator style film making that we have been exposed to for so long, we have seen a new class of artists rise from the ashes like a smegma encrusted phoenix. Where grandiose films like Ben Hurr and Deep Throat have left off, projects like Made in Secret have stepped in with new production and distribution methods.

People have consistently defined ourselves by what separates us from others, by our uniqueness. More and more people are looking to be enticed by something they can feel is special. Something possibly dirty, taboo. Where will this desire end?

A better question is, when will it get you started? One of our goals in producing and touring with this program of self-propelled, DIY erotica is our belief that a individual's recognition and understanding of their sexuality will lead to an improved quality of life. The available alternative is learning to fuck just by watching standard porn. Which, due to porn's omnipresence, is becoming the de facto reality for many adolescents.

Even if bikes don't turn you on* (AHEM, WHAT!?!) you should know, and possibly have been steadfastly avoiding, the strange bits of life that make you sexually interesting. Meat and potatoes are fine, but avoiding fetish, or casting others off for being "weird" is generally a good indicator of sexual repression, or worse.

Move your ass and make some niche porn! If you wanna make some for us, the deadline for Bike Smut 5: SPEED is less than a month away!

*(we reluctantly accept that Bike Porn is not for everyone, and to that end we have already have developed a cunning, curiously NSFW plan to remedy this situation)

Image credit to Bike Smut Romania... WOW! We opened our 2nd international office without even knowing it!! Go us!!!

April 24, 2011

Pork for Jesus

Happy Easter, bike fuckers. This Sunday celebration of fertile springing could be your opportunity to score some bunny love in the bushes.

Love could be right around the corner. Then again, we could say the same thing about death, so be careful what you stick where.

photo credit to Pagans and Christians whose combined forces make for one hella crazy holiday!

April 21, 2011

We got more than a tiny sausage for ya

Halo Vienna!

After a couple weeks of stressful freak outs with international, finical, and bureaucratic nonsense we finally have a proper show to display the world premiere of our new Bike Smut Euro Tour program! (Gawd, we hope there are no more bureaucratic hoops)


April 20, 2011

Cougars make love (and/or/not porn)

We recently were given some modest signs of approval from Cindy Gallop, creator of Make Love, Not Porn. We still think the idea of defining your own sexuality, and not letting others define it for you is pretty fucking great.

In this TED talk she does a fabulous job of explaining the real world consequences of a society that allows hardcore porn to be the primary form of sexual education.

We pimped her website almost a year before TED got around to posting this vid. That makes us practically bleeding edge! Plus this is a joyous bit of verbal engagement.

So then, are you an aspiring Cougar? Do you feel like going on the prowl? Have you thought about the conversations you might have with a young lover? Don't fret, the world needs your thoughtful hands to guide the future away from the sexual abyss!

Take heed, you have a lot of fresh meat on your plate... and plenty of young aspiring prey in the field! Go get em tigress!

April 19, 2011

A history of Bike Smut

In the past four SIX NINE (!) years we have shared our program of erotic bicycle movies quite a few times, in quite a few places. Hundreds of screenings later we still have never had any leaks!

"How can that be?" you ask.

Great follow up question, thank you for helping us illuminate this idea further.

We do not make DVDs (generally), we do not send screeners to the media. The filmmakers privacy is sacred and we shall not violate that trust and even though selling DVDs would make this a financially viable institution, and sending copies to the media would get us a butt load of press, we say "nay!" (often with a stuffy, British voice). "Nay, we shalt cheapen the experience of gathering as a community together!" For once we see in each other these ideals we can't help from recognizing that freedom of movement via human powered transportation and sexual liberation not only come from similar origins but also deliver you to a beautiful future!

But we are cleaning up things around here, so this ever expanding list of shows that used to be available on the sidebar and caused much confusion is going to live in this dark corner of the Bike Smut blog from now on.

Thanks for the mamories!

(In reverse order.)

Bike Smut 9: Science Friction
25 Portland, world premiere

11 Las Vegas, with the opening of the world's largest sex bike at the Erotic Heritage Museum

18 Anchorage, Alaska part of the Midnight Sunburn bike polo tournament

9 Seattle, at the Center For Sex Positive Culture

3 Burning Man w Tender Heckles 9:15 & A

8 Denver
10 Ft. Collins
18 Boulder
22 Colorado Springs


23 Bristol
29 London

San Francisco
Los Angeles
21 Amsterdam

NYC Porn Film Fest

14 Vienna

7 Boston
25 Burlington
28 Troy
31 White River Junction

10 Montreal
17 Harvest Fest
22 Toronto
24 Buffalo
27 Columbus, OH

1 Detroit Bike!Bike!
9 Chicago
15 Milwaukee
27 Minneapolis Cancelled! Wow! That's only happened like once before! (we missed the Slovenian National Downhill Championships when the gear box of our tour van, Stonewall Johnson, blew up in northern Greece)
29 Berlin Porn Film Festival


21 World Bicycle Forum Ciudad de México, Casa Biciteka, 21h
28 NAASN @ Biblioteca Social Reconstruir, Godard & Delibes, Guadalupe Victoria II, 18h

1 Hotel Condesa DF
9 San Cristobal, Chiapas11 Oaxaca City
12 Puebla Centro Historica
13 Puebla
14 Cholula

8 en Barcelona @ Rueda International Cycling Film Festival

14 en Toulouse

Bike Smut 8: Come Again

23 Vancouver BC

6 Memphis
9 Peoria
12 Chicago

2 Montreal
6 Burlington
10 Boston w/ Dr Sketchy
12 Troy
14 Buffalo
22 Detroit
29 Kansas City

April 24 Toronto w the Feminist Porn Awards!

3 San Francisco
8 Las Vegas
14 Tucson @ Cyberspunk
21 Jacksonville @ Zen Cog
23 St Augustine @ Shanghai Nobby's

1 Puerto Escondito
6 Guadalajara
14 Salton Sea
19 LA - Church of Fundraiser
21 San Jose
28 Oakland

January/ Ener
10 Puebla

6 Austin @ North Door
18 San Antonio @ K23 Gallery
23 Houston @Notsuoh

6 Boulder @ PhoenixAsylum
8 Denver @Velowood Cyclery
11 Ft Collins @LyricCinema
12 Col Springs @Voodoo Leatherworks
14 Salt Lake @Physic's Warehouse
21 Phoenix @ Space 55
22 Tucson @ Screening Room

2 San Francisco
4 Davis
8 Oakland
9 Emeryville
11 San Jose
24 LA

12 Portland -world premiere
21 Eureka

Bike Smut: Back in the Saddle a second European explor-tation

2 Hamburg
4 Kiel @ Muthesius-Hochschule Kiel Industriedesign Lorentzendamm 6-8  
6 Berlin @ Eiszeitkino, Zeughofstraße 20 

August Août Agosto August
5 Vienna "B-sides" @ grillplatz 13, Donau Insel
8 Brno @ FBB Klub Na Dráze, Nadražní 9, 21:30h
10 Pardubice @ Inner Dark Polská 898, 20h
28 Copenhagen
30 Malmo

July Juillet Luglio Juli 
3 Zagreb @ FB event  20h
10 Maribor
12 Graz
16 Leipzig @ Giesserstrasse 16. 21h
18 Augsburg @ CityClub, Königsplatz. 20h
19 Munich @ Akademiestr 2-4. 20h
24 Linz @ BikeKitchen kapuzinerstrasse 36 21h
25 Bratislava @ Jamaica 
26 Vienna @ Schikaneder Margaretenstraße 24. 22h

June Juin Giugno Juni
2 Roma @ ciclofficina del gazometro - via Caboto, 15 - ostiense @ 21h
6 Napoli @ ex Asylum - Vico G.Maffei 65 @21h, post CM
11 Pescara Sweet Polo Porno Party!
14 Rimini @ Grotta Rossa @DIY FEST - Via della Lontra, 40
19 Bologna @ Xm24 - via Fioravanti, 24
22 Vicenza @ ADA Lab - via Btg. Framarin 42
27 Padova @ TBA after Critical Mass

May Mai Maggio Mai 
7 Palermo @ Taverna Bukowski - piazzetta teatro santa cecilia 22 @ 19h
10 Torino @ Csoa Gabrio - via Francesco Millio 42 @ 21h
17-18 Milano @ Leoncavallo
21 Modena @ Libera - via del Tirassegno 7 @ 21:30
30 Roma @ ExSnia -  via Prenestina 173 @ 23:59

April Avril Aprile April
13 Paris @ La Mutinerie - 178 Rue Saint-Martin
14 Ghent 
17 Brussels @ Byrrh - 4 rue dieudonné lefevre , 1020 bruxelles
18 Amsterdam @ Filmhuis Cavia - Van Hallstraat 52-1HG
22 Zurich
26 Catania, Italia @ Zeronove - Via Opificio 12

 March Mars Marzo März
7 Geneve
8 Lausanne
11 St-Étienne
12 Grenoble
13 Lyon

Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express

2/1 Houston
1/26 NOLA
1/19 Dallas
1/17 Austin
1/11 San Antonio

12/29 Galveston
12/26 Houston
12/22 New Orleans
12/15 Gainesville
12/13 Jacksonville
12/11 Athens, GA
12/04 Memphis
12/01 Nashville
11/8 Baltimore
11/6 Philadelphia
11/24 Knoxville, TN
11/23 Asheville, NC
11/17 Raleigh
11/14 RVA
11/10 DC
11/1 Brooklyn
10/29 Boston
10/24 Troy
10/21 Burlington
10/17 Montreal
10/10 Toronto
10/1 Indianapolis

9/7 Denver
9/6 Denver
9/5 Boulder
9/10 Ft. Collins
9/1 Ogden
8/30 Salt Lake

8/4 Seattle
7/20 Vancouver
7/6 Homer, AK
7/12 Anchorage
6/12 Portland

Bike Smut 6:Turning TriXXX

Sun Aug 19
20/20 Cycles @ 20th and Union

Thu Sept 6
Tin Pan Cinema @ Tin Pan Alley
7:15 and 9:15

Sat Sept 8
 - 8pm
.3 % Productions - 1130 S. Richards St

Wed Sept 12
 - 7pm
Phoenix Asylum - 2510 47th St

Fri Sept 14
 - 10:30pm
Deer Pile - 206 East 13th Ave

Ft. Collins, CO
Sat Sept 15
 - 10:30pm
Lyric Cafe - 300 E Mountain

Wed Sept 19
 - 7pm
The Procrastinator - Strand Union @MSU

Sat, Sept 22 - 10pm
Bedlam Theatre - The Ivy Building - 2714 27th Street E

Madison, WI
Wed Sept 26
 - 7pm
Lothlorien Co Op 244 W Lakelawn Pl

Milwaukee, WI
Thu Sept 27
 - 8pm
Public House - 815 E Locust St

Chicago, IL
Sat Sept 29
 - 11:59pm
Music Box

Detroit, MI
Sat Oct 6
 - 9:15pm
Crass City Theater - 3420 Cass Ave

Toronto, ON
Thu Oct 11
 - 8:30pm
CineCycle - behind 129 Spadina Ave

Ottawa, ON
Sat Oct 13
TBA brewpub

Montreal, QB
Tue Oct 16
 - 9:30pm
Cafe Artere - 7000 Ave du Parc

Burlington, VT
Thu Oct 18
The Firefly - 200 main st.

Boston, MA
Fri Oct 19 - 7:30, 9:15, 11pm
The Video Underground -
385 Centre Street Jamaica Plain

Providence, RI
Sat Oct 20 - 9pm
Dungeon C

Providence, RI
Sun Oct 21 - 6pm
Libertalia - 280 Broadway #200

Brooklyn, NY
Thu Oct 25 - 830pm
Goodbye Blue Monday - 1087 Broadway

Washington DC
Fri Oct 26
Sova - 1359 H Street Northeast

Richmond, VA
Sun Oct 28
Movie Loft

Asheville, NC
Mon Oct 29
Shit House

New Orleans, LA
Sat Nov 3
Mud Lark

Houston, TX
Mon Nov 5

Notsuoh - 314 Main St
314 Main Street 

Oaxaca, Mexico
26 Dec
Cafe Central
Cidudad de Mexico
29 Dec
the end of the year
Puebla Central w Bicitekas
United States
Austin, TX
January 5
29th St Ballroom
w Bed Post Confessions and Queer Ride
San Antonio, TX
January 8
Tucson, AZ
The Screening Room
Phoenix, AZ
January 12
Trunk Space


Bike Smut 4:PLAY

European Tour

27 April - Vienna, Austria
30 April - Budapest, Hungary
2 May - Fabrica, Bucharest, Romania
6 May - Lambda Istanbul, İstanbul, Turkey
13 May - ODTÜ, Ankara, Turkey
15 May - Kaos GL, Ankara, Turkey
17 May - Boğaziçi Üniversitesi, İstanbul, Turkey
18 May - Empire Project Gallery, Istanbul, Turkey
26 May - BFest, Athens, Greece
29 May - Cerkno, Slovenia
31 May - Social Center Rog, Ljubljana, Slovenia
2 June - Zagreb, Croatia
3 June - Kino Udarnik, Maribor, Slovenia
7 June - MKSMC, Koper, Slovenia
10 June - Wien Bikekitchen, Vienna, Austria
12 June - Kapu, Linz, Austria
13 June - Styrian Sprint Shop, Graz, Austria
15 June - Cross Club, Prague, Czech Republic
17 to 19 June - GenderFuck festival, Tabor, Czech Republic
20 June - Galerie Skleněná Louka, Brno, Czech Republic
21 June - Bratislava Bikekitchen, Bratislava, Slovakia
22 June - Klub 29, Pardubice, Czech Republic
24 June - Cafe Miesna, Poznan, Poland
28 June to 3 July - Bike Punk Fest, Warsaw, Poland
5 July - Lenin Shipyard, Gdansk, Poland
7 July - King Kong Klub, Berlin, Germany
9 Berlin - Schwelle 7, Berlin, Germany
14 July - Autonomes Zentrum, Cologne, Germany
15 July - Gangerviertel, Hamburg, Germany
16 July - Erbse, Kiel, Germany
21 July - Kontrapunkt, Malmo, Sweden
23 July - Bokkafe Velgo, Gothenburg, Sweden
25 July to 31 July - Queer Festival, Copenhagen, Denmark
30 July - Kopi Squat, Berlin, Germany
3 August - Filmhuis Cavia, Amsterdam, The Netherlands
5-6 August - DIY Bikefest, Scheveningen, The Netherlands
7 August - Passing Clouds, London, England
12 August - The Motorcycle Showroom, Bristol, England
14 August - Yard Theatre, Manchester, England
20-21 August - Supernormal Festival, Oxfordshire, England
27 August - The Forest, Edinburgh, Scotland
28 August - Islington Mill, Manchester, England

30 August - Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London, England
31 August - ReWorks, Cambridge, England
1 September - Colorama, London, England

2 September - The Marlborough Theatre, Brighton, England
7 September - Andrea's house, Brussels, Belgium
8 September - Les Marmottes, Amiens, France
10 September - Nicolas Ehrhart Cycles &Le Houla Oups, Paris, France
16 September - Casablanca, Madrid, Spain
17 September - Patio Maravillas, Madrid, Spain
22 September - Teatro de los Manantiales, Valencia, Spain
24 September - My Beautiful Parking, Barcelona, Spain
27 September - Le Trou de Balle, Toulouse, France
29 September - Association le No, Marseilles, France
30 September - Un p'tit vélo dans la tête, Grenoble, France
1 October - Les Tanneries, Dijon, France
2-3 October - Tostaki, Lyon, France
5 October - Cinema Oblo, Lausanne, Switzerland
6 October - Csoa Gabrio, Turin, Italy
7 October - Cascina Torchiera, Milan, Italy
8 October - Sos Furnace, Milan, Italy
9 October - Mondrian Suite, Rome, Italy
11 October - Ciclofficina, Modena, Italy
12 October - Autonomer Beauty Salon, Zurich, Switzerland
14 October - Kafe Marat, Munich, Germany
27 October - Porn Film Fest Berlin separatist show
The 2011 Northern Exposure Tour
1/28 Victoria
1/29 Vancouver
2/5 Seattle
2/11 Olympia
3/3 Pullman
3/6 Bozeman
3/7 Minneapolis
3/11 Madison
3/12 Milwaukee
3/13 Chicago
3/16 Detroit
3/18 Buffalo
3/26 Toronto
3/27 Ottawa
3/30 Montreal
3/31 Burlington, VT
4/1 Boston
4/2 Boston
4/6 Providence
4/9 New York

Tap the Rockies Tour, 2010
11/12 Salt Lake City
11/19 Boulder
11/21 Fort Collins, CO
12/4 Denver



February - June 2010
Imagine a DIY porn caravan heading south to Baja, East to the Atlantic, North to Canada, and all the way home to Cascadia.
50 cities in 100 days... yes, you may crap yourself on our behalf.

2/5 Vancouver,
2/6 Victoria,
2/11 Portland
2/15 Eugene
2/18 Ashland
2/19 San Francisco
2/20 " "
2/21 Oakland
2/25 Santa Barbara
2/26 Claremont Colleges
2/27 Los Angles
2/28 Long Beach
3/1 San Diego
3/3 Tempe
3/4 Tucson
3/6 Bisbee
3/8 San Antonio
3/10 Austin
3/12 Houston
3/13 New Orleans
3/16 Mobile
3/17 Pensacola
3/18 Gainesville
3/19 Orlando
3/20 Sarasota
3/23 Jacksonville
3/25 Savannah
3/26 Atlanta
3/27 Asheville
3/31 Carrboro
4/2 Richmond
4/7 Baltimore
4/8 Washington DC
4/9 Lancaster
4/11 Philadelphia
4/12 somewhere in NJ? NEIN!
4/16 Brooklyn
4/18 New Haven
4/19 Providence
4/21 Boston
4/22 White River Jct, VT
4/23 Ottawa
4/24 Montreal
4/25 Toronto
4/26 Buffalo
4/27 Pittsburgh
4/28 Columbus
4/30 Detroit
5/1 Chicago
5/4 Milwaukee
5/5 Madison
5/8 Minneapolis
5/12 Winnipeg
5/14 Regina
5/15 Saskatoon
5/18 Edmonton
5/21 Calgary
5/25 Missoula
5/27 Bellingham
5/29 Vancouver
6/4 Olympia

  • 6/12, 6/22 Portland - Bonus screenings

  • -------------------------------------------------
    Bike Smut 2: Bikexploitation

    Viva Canada

  • 4/26 Victoria BC w/ Bike Prom
  • 5/29 Vancouver with pirates!

  • Westward HO! Bikexploitation Tour

  • 10/6 Boise
  • 10/7 Pocatello
  • 10/9 Salt Lake City
  • 10/16 Ft Collins
  • 10/17 Boulder
  • 10/18 Denver
  • 10/21 Moab
  • 10/24 Durango
  • 10/27 Albuquerque
  • 10/29 Houston
  • 11/1 Austin
  • 11/5 Bisbee
  • 11/6 Tucson
  • 11/13 Phoenix
  • 11/19 San Diego
  • 11/21 Pitzer College
  • 11/23 Los Angeles!
  • 11/25 Santa Cruz
  • 11/28 San Francisco
  • 11/29 Oakland
  • 12/4 Eugene

    Home, Sweet Home
  • 6/13/08 Clinton Street Theater
  • 10/2/08 Hollywood Theater

  • Bike Porn Cascadian Bikexploitation Tour (2008)

  • 9/18 Bellingham
  • 9/20 Seattle
  • 9/22 Olympia

  • -------------------------------------------------
    The Pornography of the Bicycle
    Bike Porn goes to Bike Prom! (2008)

  • 4/25 Victoria with special screening of the Velo Vixen documentary

    The Bike Porn Eastern Swing! (2008)
  • 3/13 Minneapolis
  • 3/14 Chicago
  • 3/18 Columbus
  • 3/19 Pittsburgh
  • 3/22 New York
  • 3/24 Philadelphia
  • 3/26 Washington DC
  • 3/27 Richmond
  • 3/31 Chapel Hill, NC
  • 4/1 Nashville Rat Patrol House implodes, "shitstorm" cited
  • 4/3 Denver
  • 4/4 SLC

  • The Bike Calipornification Tour (2007-8)
    12/28 - Los Angeles
    1/2/08 - Davis
    1/3/08 - San Francisco
    1/5/08 - Cottage Grove

    The Cascadian Bike Porn Tour (2007)
    9/17 Seattle
    9/19 Bellingham
    9/21 Vancouver B.C.

    April 18, 2011

    Bike Porn is Hungary!

    This shit is ON!

    The brand new European Bike Smut show is gonna be showcased at one of the world's largest non-organized bike rides.
    • Saturday, April 30th.
    • Almássy Hall
    • Budapest, District VII., Almássy tér 6.
    • 22:00
    • donations and smiles accepted!

    Critical Mass ride starts at 16:00 on Vérmező (Buda side of the river, around Krisztina tér)

    Photo credit to Cycle Chic via the Tucson Bike Lawyer and Hungary Critical Mass

    Sharing a social media disease

    Holey new web testicles, Batman! This them Bike Smut internerds have done been BLOWING UP!

    • We have a new website (well, kinda. It's two moths old, we just never bothered to announce it when it was new)
    • We have a new look on the blog
    • We have a brand new tumblr
    • We have an old twitter
    • We have an old Facebook page that will also have more great bikesexual content soon

    But now we need your help. Every stupid, vapid, jerkface begs you to befriend them. Many are totally worth your time. The problem is we are adrift in a super highway sea of lame sexual content. We can't even count the number of times that we have been shut down before we could explain how sweet our goals are. This is where YOU come in. If you believe in our mission to improve people's lives through better sex and transportation than you must connect us with others, because no one believes us when we say how awesome our politics are.

    Do your part to pass these ideals on! Your friends will be glad you did.

    **NOTE: persistent rubbing up against your computer can result in chafing, or worse. Consult an IT physician.**

    April 17, 2011

    Flogging Bloggin

    Back in the day you had to steal a half dozen bikes to get enough tubes to build your own flogger. But those days are over! Our friends at Tool Shed in Milwaukee, WI have done the leg work for you. Just look at these colorful ways to make the pneumatic slap!Of course you can still get all DIY and build your own, but if time is short and you got a whole lotta ass to beat, you could save some time and potential embarrassment (if your braiding skills are not stellar).

    Whup that biker ass!

    Thanks to Daniella M. Echeverria for a great inspiring image

    April 16, 2011

    Gettin' Lucky with it!

    Let us take measure of our good fortune:

    We were still able to buy tickets to Europe the day of our travel after the airline cancelled them and sent the "you can fly on our plane" message in German.

    We were able to convince the ticket lady to kick some bureaucratic ass for us and hold the flight and escort us through security checkpoint allowing us to jump onto the plane moments before the gates closed.

    We were unable to get our bikes on the same plane, but because we got lost walking to our Berlin host we didn't have to drag heavy boxes all over and instead got them delivered.

    We found a great place to show bike porn in Berlin, but the show was already cancelled, but we have a number of people lining up for more bike on biker action.

    We now have a van and are about to start traveling all over the continent.

    We are staying in a great place, with excellent hosts who have a wall of macaws.

    We have been able to party with great people and will do so again!

    April 14, 2011

    sweet piles of party

    There are some things that help make porn even more delectable than normal. In sex, as with bikes the proper lubrication is necessary, so be sure to stock up on useful items. Here are some bribes presented to our friends at Filmed By Bike are having their ninth annual festival in Portland, Oregon.

    Bike parties are generally the best parties, get down there and enjoy the awesome.

    Keep an eye or ear out for the secret post FBB film screening!

    Congrats and huzza!

    April 13, 2011

    Fahrrad Porno

    Hallo! Ich bin ein pornograza!

    We have arrived in the lions den and are getting ready to share the wonderful world of inspiring bicycle smut with the Fatherland! What a fabulous way to start off an epic six-month tour of Europe! This is by far the most ambitious adventure of bikesexuality we have ever taken on! Yes! We do exclaim!

    We are fortunate to have a great team of happy-go-fucky bike punks who will be keeping us moving and grooving across the Euro landscape. Expect dossiers on us all soon, as well as an updated tour schedule. But until then, we are ecstatic that we made it (and hope that our luggage and bikes find their way to us soon).

    What did the German dumpster diver say to the pile of bread?

    Glutten Tag

    April 7, 2011

    Seeing the porn forest from the bike trees

    Oh, hi there!
    Behold, submitted imagery from our friends in Chapel Hill. Not all porn has to be explicit. Engaging the brain as well as the junk is a fine way to flex some muscles. In this case the image suggests blooming ideas and getting shit done. Pretty sexy. Of course we wouldn't mind

    This kind of hot weather sensation gives us pause for leaving the United States. We have found fantastic people everywhere we have gone in North Amand we are looking forward to returning someday. Until then its Europe (and/)or BUST!

    There are only a scant few days until we jet out to Berlin! If you find us at a show, in a gutter or your bed just remember we are training for our future rockstar status please so give us a kiss for good luck!

    Dont just sit around rubbing yourself, thinking about your sweet bikesexual ideas! Share that good shit! Send your inspiring pictures, drawings, words, intentions or hate mail to BikeSmut@gmail.com

    April 6, 2011

    Brooklyn en Fuego!

    New York is the end of the road for our smutty bike team in North America. If you didn't see 4:PLAY by now you might not get a chance. We don't sell DVDs, its not online and we don't get to play the same city twice. But if you are in New York this Saturday, and you consider yourself mature enough to watch porn with friends and strangers than you have a chance for EPIC BIKE LOVE! For not only do we have the final Northern Exposure Tour screening of Bike Porn 4: PLAY but also a chance to see the hottest new bicycle dance troop, Heelz on Wheelz!

    Sit down. Breathe. Check your pulse. Its still too early to flip your shit. Glorious, inspiring, erotic bicycle movies are coming

    Saturday April 9th
    Brooklyn Fire Proof
    119 Ingraham St. (In the alley)
    located between Knickerbocker and Porter
    Dance performance at 8 Movies at 9

    A new POV in Providence

    Broken tour vehicle? Hey we got bikes!

    Broken laptop? Hey, we got friends!

    No number of setbacks well prevent us from delivering the goods!! We got beverages and popcorn, come get some!



    Wednesday, April 6th

    Dirt Palace

    12 Olenyville SQ, Providence

    8:30 pm preshow

    Donations and love accepted

    April 1, 2011

    Bean Town Pimpin

    We interrupt this self congratulatory blog post with a healthy dose of luscious bloggity masturbation
    "This isn’t your mom and dad’s porn. This isn’t even the stuff adolescent boys dream of; it’s porn with a niche, porn for a specific counterculture looking for some offbeat fun." Dig Boston article by - JENNIFER CHOI

    “The goals have always been to showcase work that is under-represented. Sometimes it’s queer, sometimes it’s women, and sometimes it’s straight men. Regardless, it’s all work that nurtures me and my communities and makes Boston a little more bearable” CineMental founder Aliza Shapiro.
    We now return to our regularly scheduled self love.

    Boston really loves Bike Porn. Last year the bikesexuals of Boston made it clear, these people love bikes and sex. Approximately 450 fine-ass-fuck lovers of cycles packed the Brattle to the gills.

    This weekend, we do it again... twice!

    Here is a snippet of what has been said in the buildup: border guard life for the touring bike pornographer

    "Put down your messenger bag, roll down your pant leg, and stop freaking out drivers and pedestrians for a moment" ZING! The New Gay throws down some find derogatory fashion commentary

    And finally, the Phoenix demands that you watch the goods! "Bike Porn: for some reason when you put those two words together, they sound extra dirty"

    Oh yea, as dirty as you make it.


    Thanks for helping us reach the sexy masses! With all this attention we hope to look good enough for yalls!